Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
