Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i need an iv and a liver transplant
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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