dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
