party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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