is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
