My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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