I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize