Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
