And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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