i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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