Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I just forgot I was standing up.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize