***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize