Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
