the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Randomize