Sry I called you an 8
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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