dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm drive I can fine osifer
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
