I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
