Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
