white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
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