Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
