Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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