we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize