Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
