alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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