FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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