Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
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