I am puke
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
