So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
