My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
