Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
