Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
