Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
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