you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize