Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
