I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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