It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
