I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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