guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
