Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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