His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
