its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They took my balls.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
