There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
