I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
