i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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