At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
