now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
