I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
accomplished twins. life is a go
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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