A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
