dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
