I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
