It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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