It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
