I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Randomize
