You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
