Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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