she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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