god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
