I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
