Ketchup is God's man juice
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
