I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
