Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
