I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
