Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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