Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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