How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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