How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
