this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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