Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
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