she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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