Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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