so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
His hands were made for my vagina.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
