I don't usually arrange sex via text message
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
